Thursday, Dear Miss Pearl (Remix)

(Pulled from the archives)

Hello Ms. Pearl,

I've always wanted to ask you for advice to see what type of response I got back from you (lol). Now I have an issue, and I am in the process of sorting out my feelings. I figured getting some advice may help me put things into perspective or let me know if I'm thinking the right thing or if I'm just "trippin' ".

Here goes.....

The guy I am seeing just informed me (yesterday 7/31/08) that he MAY have a baby on the way. I'm happy he told me about it and it was before me, so I can't be mad about that. The problem is he found out in January or February.

We met in March. He has had plenty of time to tell me. Now feelings have developed, and I have to decide if I wanna stay or go. I know what you're thinking.... it was before me! That part I understand, but he deceived me. He withheld information from me thinking that if he waited to tell me I would take it better. I didn't! It would have been better to find out before we got involved so that I could decide if I wanted to stay or go. He took away my choice!

Now I have to chose between my heart and my head. The only reason it's a problem for me is because I don't do "baby momma drama". I have no children yet. He has a teenager and now a "possible" soon to be new born. I feel deceived, torn and I'm upset!!! I'm happy he told me the truth. But I don't know if I want to get myself into this.

A teenager and one baby momma is one thing but a new born and another baby momma.... that's a bit much! That is a fresh relationship. What should I do?

Heavy Heart
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Dear Heavy Heart,

A few things jump out at me with this one. First off, you met this man in March and the woman apparently got pregnant in January or February, so, in a sense, I can see why he didn't tell you up front. He had just met you and didn't know whether you would be there the next day, much less four months later. So, in his defense, I can see why it became increasingly difficult to tell you with each passing day.

Maybe he's decided to be upfront because he's realized that he really cares for you, and because he expects you to be around, now it's time to share the most intimate and personal details of his life with you. There was no need to share that with you the day he met you because he didn't (and still doesn't) know if the baby is his or not. Why put you both through that until he's sure that you're going to be around?

Now, the second issue is - if she was pregnant in January (or February) he surely had to have had sex with her no more than a month or two of meeting you - are you sure that that relationship is over? Do you know this woman? Is she the baby mama drama type? You do realize that getting involved with a man one month after he got another lady pregnant means that there was a) at least a long term relationship between the two of them or b) he had unprotected sex with random jump-off... either way, do you really want to be bothered with that?

Your decision on whether you want to continue to deal with this man or move on is one that only you can make. He hasn't taken that choice away from you, he may have delayed your decision making process, but he surely didn't eliminate your ability to be proactive as it relates to matters of your heart.

The choice(s) are easy:

•You've only known the man for 5 months, there can't be that many "feelings" involved that you won't be able to get over relatively quickly.
•If you love the man and think he's worth working it out with, stick with it as long as you feel that you need to. If things get to the point where you feel like they've become unhealthy for you, then move around. You are under no obligation to stay in a relationship that you don't want to be in - so you hold the ace on both ends here.
•Stay... or go
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com