Monday, July 30th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My fiance', Mohammed cheated on me when I was 6 months pregnant but I took him back. Then, when our baby turned 4 months, he moved in with the lady he cheated on me with. (Turns out he was still messing around with her.) I was too busy taking care of my daughter to be able to concentrate on dating another man, so while he lived with the other woman, I didn't see anybody, but I secretly hoped that he would come back to his daughter and I.

I decided to take him back again when he came to me and said that he realized that he realized that he was wrong for messing around and leaving us in the first place, only to have the woman he was living with call me to say that he only came back because he lost his job and she wouldn't let him continue to live with her with no income.

It has been four months and I've realized that I'm no longer in love with him, but I wonder if it's worth it to keep him around for my daughters sake. Should I end the relationship and allow him to sleep on the sofa so that he can be around my daughter? (I believe that if I don't let him stay, he won't be a part of her life)

Anselah
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Dear Anselah,

Hell no you shouldn't keep him around! I'm an absolute advocate for two parent households, particularly within the black community because we don't have nearly enough people co-parenting our children as it is, but, in this case, I believe that your daughter is actually better off with a father like hers (who obviously has no respect for women) playing a secondary role in her life.

Think about it, he didn't come back because he gave a shit about his daughter (or you for that matter) he came back because he didn't have a choice. I'm sorry, but you don't need this man in your life and neither does your daughter. If you're so worried about the negative affects of her father not being around, then maybe you should consider the fact that having a father who is obviously there for convenience won't change your daughters view on men for the greater good, either.

Put his ass out! Can you honestly see yourself living in a situation with a man you don't want to be with for the next fifteen years? He doesn't want to be with you, and you don't want to be with him - let him go so that you can let yourself go!

When you're up to it, find yourself a real man who can be an example to your daughter that not all men are bad men - and hopefully while you work on that, your boyfriend will come to his senses about being a responsible parent, but if he doesn't - you have the tools you need to teach her what's acceptable and what's not. (Just don't teach her that she should continue to make an ass out of herself by continuing to take a man back whose treated her like shit)

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com