Dear Miss Pearl,
I am distraught about my 19 year old daughter and some
of the choices she's made in her life. Moriah started smoking cigarettes by the
time she was 13, and by 15 she was getting drunk on a regular basis. I tried
everything except beating her because we don't use violence in my family. My
husband and I nearly got divorced behind Moriah's constant mess because he has
always wanted to use his hand instead of his head to deal with our daughter, and
I promised to leave him if he ever hit her.
Well, by the time our
daughter was in the 9th grade, she was smoking marijuana and was also pregnant.
She quit school before ever making it to the 10th grade. My husband and I
separated after my daughter got pregnant and I have custody of her 4 year old
son. Moriah has gotten pregnant again and she's now prostituting herself in one
of the most drug infested areas of town.
I caught wind of the fact that
she's also doing pornographic movies and my husband won't help me at all. She
comes to my house late at night and steals money, and then disappears for weeks
at a time. I go to her apartment to make her see her son and she is more
interested in drugs and the streets than she is her own child.
I hate my
ex-husband for not helping me deal with this situation and I don't know what
else to do. What can I do to make my daughter see that her lifestyle isn't one
that a young lady in 2008 should be living?
Dear Worried Sick,
I'm not going to
say that what your daughter is going through is your fault, but I will
definitely say that you should have allowed your husband to be a father and
tagged that ass a couple of times and maybe, just maybe, she would have turned
out a little different.
The bible says, "He who spareth the rod hateth
his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" and I must have loved
the hell out of mine because I used rods, belts, socks filled with rice,
switches and one time, a plastic yellow baseball bat!
There are PLENTY of
children who grow up to be model citizens and a simply "time-out" sufficed - but
I wasn't about to take the chance that continually ASKING my child to "comply"
was going to end all of the havoc in my household, no ma'am.
would have been given a bottle of Louisiana Red Dot Hot Sauce and a plate full
of cigarettes to eat for dinner the first time she came home smelling like she
had been to bingo, and the day she came home high at 15 would have been the day
I called my sister to put some money on my books at the county jail!
should have allowed your husband to be a father when he TRIED to be instead of
deciding that your children would be raised the way YOU wanted them to
be. So don't get upset with him now that he isn't your husband any longer and
your daughter is a grown assed, dysfunctional woman! You aren't entirely
responsible for your daughters actions because people make their own choices in
life, but you have to own some of this, sister.
Don't take your
grandchild to your daughter's home another time trying to force her to be a
mother - you are doing that child no earthly good. If she isn't interested, then
you have to love your grandchild enough for the both of you, but taking him into
a situation where he has to watch his drug addicted, prostituting, uninterested
mother literally ignore him isn't helping anybody.
Your daughter is an
adult at this point and if you didn't get a hold of her 6 years ago, there isn't
much you can say to her today. I suggest you let her go her way, and take care
of that child and your own home. Let her know that you are there the day she
decides that she wants some help, but otherwise, don't allow her to make your
life miserable for another day.
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send
me an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org