Thursday, July 19th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My mother hates me. Period. I know how harsh that sounds, but ever since I told her that I was a lesbian, she wants nothing to do with me. I call her, she says she's busy and hangs up. For holidays, I don't get anything, not even a card, even though I buy her several really nice gifts.

I found out that she has had a couple of "family" get togethers without inviting me. (I guess she's afraid that I will bring a girlfriend over and embarrass her). Miss Pearl, I would never intentionally do anything to hurt my mom, but I can only be me. If she doesn't want me to bring a girl around, I wouldn't and I've told her that, but she still won't forgive me for "going against God", but she's been married five times!

My brother sells drugs and she knows it, but she acts like the sun doesn't shine until he wakes up. Why does she suddenly hate ME so much? We were always close, but I believe if I died today, mom wouldn't care. I've talked to my siblings and they all say, "you know how mom is" and then suggest that I give her time. It's been a year and three months!!

Two weeks ago, I called her and she was talking to me because she thought I was my sister. Then when she realized that it was me, her tone changed dramatically and she said, "I'm about to wash dishes!" and hung up. I called her back FIVE times and she wouldn't answer, then I used my work cell phone to call and she picked up. I was FURIOUS and I yelled at her, "I know you hate me!", and after a long pause she said, "Oh, was I supposed to say something?" (very sarcastically).

That hurt me so bad that I wanted to kill myself that night. I am so depressed and this is taking over my entire life. How can I get passed this?

- Sad Daughter
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Dear Sad Daughter,

The first thing you can do is call your mother. Tell her where she can find you if she ever decides to get past who you are, and even if she never gets past who you are, that you will always cherish the memories of your years with her and will always be her daughter. Then respectfully bow out.

Move on with your life!

That's all you can do, Boo. You can't make your mother be a mother! You say she gave you some great years and that you were very close - hold on to those memories and try your best to put the last year and a half out of your mind. Your mother is one of the "righteous" who lives her live in accordance to her own rules, but wants to regulate the lives of everyone around her.

I'm not saying that what she's saying isn't true about the religious aspect of homosexuality, but morally, your brother is hurting a lot more people than you are. What you do affects nobody but you and the person you share your bedroom with - he's affecting entire communities, lives and families. Besides that, mom might need a reminder that her "perfect" ass ain't all that perfect afterall - particularly when she's had 5 husbands! You can't be that great 5 husbands in!

There is nothing wrong with you. You're gay. And just like you have to deal with it, either your mother will - or she won't. Personally, I would probably be hurt for a minute, but eventually I wouldn't give a flying shit what she thought. People think that respecting our parents means that you have to kiss their asses - and that ain't true!

You can love your mother from afar. Nowhere in the bible does it say that your parents should lay out a blueprint for your life; and if it does, then your mother needs to find out what was wrong with her mammy that she pre-planned the fact that she would run through FIVE gat damn husbands.

Girl please, you're alright. Don't you talk about being depressed nor suicide another day. Get into some counseling, learn to tell your mother which train to "Kissmyassville" to take, and keep on keepin' on!

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com