Hi Miss Pearl,
My name is Jeanette and I have a boyfriend that I been
with for 2 1/2 years. He has cheated before and use to be a heavy liar. He
seemed to have changed that recently after we had a bad break up and he started
telling me things that I know he didn't want me to know.
He seemed to be
changing and we got back together but something started telling me that
something is not right with him. I feel like he is doing some dirt and when I
questioned him about it he promises me that he is not, but I don't believe
him.
I can randomly check his phone or search whatever I want, whenever I
want and won't find anything. He hasn't gave me reason to think that but this
feeling that I got won't go away. He stays up all through the night til
daylight(not at work) saying he don't be doing anything or talking to anyone he
just go over his sister house.
My question is am I being paranoid or
should I go with my
feelings?
Jeanette
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear
Jeanette,
I can see why your ass is confused, because your letter
confused the hell out of me too! Girl, what the hell are you talkin
about? In most cases, people say that a leopard never changes it's spots,
but that's not always the case.
The problem you have is that you're
allowing your boyfriend's past determine your future. You decided to
take him back, so when you made that decision, you should have been ready to let
go of all of the other shit that he's done. When you're in a relationship with
someone who lies, and or cheats and you leave, don't take them back if you're
not willing to get past whatever they've done to destroy the relationship in the
first place. In other words, if the hurt from the cause of the breakup still
runs deep - then you're not ready to go back - deal with it, no matter how long
it takes, and then go back!
Don't run back to the man for fear
that time away will allow someone else to get him because if you haven't
forgiven him, you're just not ready. (Not to mention; if he was a liar and a
cheat, you shouldn't really care that somebody took his ass off of your
hands)
I'm really confused about where you were going with this issue
anyway, because you say that he's told you that he's changed, you can check his
phone and call records anytime you want, he's given you no reason to believe
that he's doing something and all you have is "intuition"... in most cases,
I'd say go with that intuition; but you do seem a bit paranoid.
If the
man isn't giving you reason to suspect anything and has opened up his phone and
other personal information to prove that he's being faithful - let it go. To me,
all of these issues is further confirmation that you shouldn't have gone back to
your boyfriend without making sure that you were completely over your issues
with him.
I suggest you get over your issues until something finds
you because they say if you continue to look, eventually you're going
to find it. Don't drive yourself crazy about nothing.
If you want advice
from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com
I disagree with Ms. Pearl on this one sweetie. I say go with your intuition because I've been there and mine proved right. How about I was in a relationship with a man who had NEVER given me a reason to suspect him, was a doting and seemingly faithful boyfriend all the way up until the time I started having this nagging feeling that something was up. Because we were so deep in Love, fit like hand in glove, he adored me, and seemed to ALWAYS be with me(or on the phone with me), I tried to dismiss the feeling for like a month before I said something. Because it came so out of the blue. I thought to myself "Wtf is wrong with you?!...Are you crazy?? Why would u even think that??? He's given you no reason... You have a good thing...He's never shown himself to be dishonest with you...." but the feeling eventually became too much, and because I'm just a very expressive person, and he and I were so honest with one another, I HAD to let him know what I was feeling. I came at him in a very loving, humble way and just told him about the "crazy" feeling I was feeling. At first he denied anything was going on...so having no reason to accuse him of lying, with his reassurance, I let it go and decided to trust him. 2 days later I over heard one of his friends say something to him in the background of our phone conversation that I don't think he meant for me to hear, then he lied about it, and if I'm hearing impaired(strike#1)...Again I let it go that night because I didn't want us to have our first angry argument. We made up before hanging up. Next night I overheard his sis say something in the background of our convo, that she even repeated. He lied again, and assured me I was trippin and said she was referring to me with the female she'd mentioned. I let it go. 2 days later while we were on the phone, I caught him up MAJORLY in a lie about who he'd gone to the show with the 2 weekends prior. He told me he'd with to the show with his older sis because she was going through a breakup with her kids father and really wanted to see the movie that night but didn't want to go alone. He'd told me not to call because he'd be in the movie, so I didn't. The funny thing had been that I wasn't able to reach him before or after the movie that whole night, when usu he'd call me before going to bed. I had let it go though because like I said I had no real reason to doubt him. Anywho, yeah, he slipped up a week or so later and said he hadn't seen the movie he told me he was going to see. Turns out he'd been out with his sister, but not at the movies... on a double date with another chick. He finally admitted it, and we ended because I felt betrayed and PISSED that he made me feel like I was crazy when my intuition had told me a whole month ago something was amiss!!!! LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION GIRL!!! GOD gave it to us for a reason!!!
ReplyDelete....Oh and, pls don't think that just because you're giving a man the business in the bedroom he won't stray. I was making this man's eyes roll up in his head like a seizure victim, and showed him endless affection. According to him I was his "soulmate" lol. We were almost always together and were planning to marry in 2 years, so yeah, even when you can't find a reason, it can happen. Don't blame yourself. With men, I think it's moreso about variety than what ur doing right or wrong. -10:22am
ReplyDeleteSo he is just going over his sister.
ReplyDeleteWhy not pay a visit over there & see what U can find out. By the way it's easy for him 2 have a 2nd cell.