Dear Miss Pearl,
My friend Zada is getting married in September and her
good friend Demitress is supposed to be the maid of honor. She asked me to be in
the wedding and of course, I accepted because I love her to death. My issue is
that I know for a fact that Demitress has messed around with Zada's fiance and I
don't know if I should tell her or not.
Zada is the type of girl who has
always dreamed of having a lavish wedding. She's talked about being a bride
since we were high school students. But even though Zada is the type of person
who wants to be a wife, she's also the type of woman who gets mad at people for
telling her stuff about her man.
I don't know if telling Zada about her
boyfriend cheating with her maid of honor is worth losing our
friendship.
Should I tell Zada about her man, or should I just grin and
walk down the aisle?
Torn
Friend
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Torn
Friend,
You have to
do what you feel in your heart is the right thing to do in a situation like
this. If you feel like losing your friendship with Zada is going to clear your
conscience, then by all means, tell her. Personally, I feel like your friend is
definitely going to blame you for the fact that her wedding plans fell
apart.
Women who get
mad at other people for telling them about their men often get mad because they
already know what type of men they attract and hearing about his dalliances
often does little more than confirm what they already know and it embarrasses
them.
Zada knows what
kind of man she has, and honestly, I can't feel sorry for women who date men
like that. I don't know if she knows what's happening with her maid of honor and
her fiance, but I suspect that she knows that he's a
cheater.
In this
situation, I say stay quiet because Zada has put it out there that she turns on
the person who reveals information about her men and since she's put it out
there... she has to deal with the fact that people may very well see things and
keep it to
themselves.
I'm kind
of teetering on the edge with this one. Maybe you should listen to your cousins
on this one. I've been wrong one other time in my life.
Kids, what do y'all
think? Should she tell her?
If you want advice from Miss
Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com
I always say address the cheaters first, let them know you know and go from there.
ReplyDeleteor you can leave an anonymous note
ReplyDeleteIf I knew my friend was the type who would over look the fact that he cheated, then I would mind my business. My sister told her best friend that she saw her boyfriend with another women. Now they speak to each other once every two or three years and she is still with her boyfriend.....
ReplyDeletei agree with the other comment with leaving an anonymous note. That way she won't know it was you and the truth will still be out. Whether she chooses to believe it is on her but at least you said something. I did this with my cousin once (she knew he was cheating but didn't know with who and I did-so I told her). Guess what she didn't speak to me for months.
ReplyDeleteIf U are 99.9% sure of the facts it would be kind of U to drop an anonymous note 2 Zada & let her be aware of the situation. Then she can look for pointers, hopefully, that will give her the knowledge whether 2 move forward.
ReplyDeleteZada is going to turn against you so if you feel strongly enough tell her. But know that all three involved will hate you. I'd say save money on that bridesmaid's dress now, the wedding will still go on but it doesn't make any sense for you to be there while they and their guests give you side eyes. In other words, tell and cut your losses.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with Miss Pearl. If she gets so easliy frenzied on hearing about her man, I'm pretty sure it's because she already knows. Some women are content to be in relationships like that for fear of being alone or just the honor to call themselves wifey. I belive this lady knows exactly what she's getting into.
ReplyDeleteI also agree with the comment with leaving an anonymous note. She needs to know...but what proof do you have?
ReplyDeleteUuuuh Auntee I love you to pieces, but I don't agree at all with your comment/response. You know me personally and I've been there. With my ex for 12 years which means life invested, engaged to be married, and had just purchased my first home. A neighbor of five years and a friend of only two of the five years finally decided to expose my no good ex. She told me that he had been after her for three years but got more aggressive the last two. When I asked her why she waited all that time to tell me. She stated that she confided in an older woman/coworker who told her the same thing you just told torn friend. Which wasn't the outcome at all. Also I wasn't aware that he was community dick cause I never had any issues with any side hoes, and I worked and then came home and took care of family. Needless to say, I believed her, borrowed his truck while he was at work, packed all his crap, dropped the truck back off at the security gate to his job with instructions to let him know his truck was back in 1 hour. I then went home after a brief detour at Walmart and changed the locks. That was the beginning of the end for old community dick. All women are not the same and I definitely don't buy into that 20 women to one man BS that have women putting up with being cheated on. While it's estimated 20 to 1 for men. It's 35 to one for me. I'm a bad chick and I know my worth..even if he dumb ass didn't. My only regret is I wished she had told me sooner, there is no way I would have stayed with him as long and I can't get those years back. I'D TELL HER CAUSE I WOULD WANT TO KNOW.
ReplyDeleteSTILL LOVE YA AUNTEE...THIS IS SUPABITCH. :-)!
ReplyDelete