Friday, August 24th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

I am a twenty-something year old female married to a much older man and everything between the two of us is perfect - until his 37 year old daughter comes around.

This woman has been married for over 8 years and has 3 children. Her husband is the ideal "man of the house". He spoils her, gives her whatever she wants and pays all the bills, yet, she still has a need to be #1 in her father's life. It started out with her taking small things out of my husband's car that she knew belonged to me (sunglasses, CD's, books etc.) I asked my husband to let me know before he loans or gives her anything just out of respect, he agreed and that has never happened again.

Now, she is constantly wanting to drive his car when she goes out, when she and her husband have cars of their own. And when she does come to ask him for his car, she always says, "I'm talking to my father." The difference between me and my husband & her and her husband is that what's mine is his & vice versa. With her and her husband that's not the case. She doesn't even have keys to his car.

At first my husband didn't think anything of it, but the more it happened, the more obvious it became, and her tantrums that she throws when he says no is just ridiculous.

My husband is in agreement with me as far as her having some kind of power struggle with me, but what she fails to see is that no matter what she speaks to her father about, I have and always will have a say about it, because that's the way our relationship is run.

I just want to know what, if anything, I can do to get beyond this. It bothers me to know that I have to compete with my man's 37 year old, married daughter all the time. She and I haven't had any fights or serious arguments in the 5 years that her father and I have been together, and part of me wants to put my maturity, respect, and dignity to the side and really go to town on this chick, but I know that would only make matters worse.

She is not the type of female that you could sit down with and actually have a mature conversation with.

Please tell me how you would handle this situation.

Disgruntled Wife
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Dear Disgruntled Wife,

Here's a fact about your current situation: You are twenty-something years old and your step-daughter is a thirty-seven year old, who will always have an issue with the fact that she's ten years older than her stepmother!

Immature? Absolutely! Expected? Should have been! Did the problems with your step-daughter not start until after the marriage? If not, then you should have known that this was coming. The biggest problem you have in your marriage is not your step-daughter, it's your husband because agreeing with you about her issues without addressing her directly don't mean a damned thing!

Your husband needs to put his foot down and let his daughter know that she is a married woman with a family of her own, so, at some point, she has to stop playing "daughter vs stepmom" and start playing married adult wife and then daughter. She sleeps next to the only man she should have any kind of control over. Her relationship with her father should be secondary because she has a household of her own.

Your husband has owned up to the fact that he spoiled her, he accepts that because he spoiled her, she's childish and immature, so he needs to accept that his spoiled, immature daughter is causing conflict in his marriage! So, at what point will he put his foot down and tell her grown ass that she needs to back up out of his house and marriage?

The only thing I can suggest to you is that you tell your husband and your step-daughter that everything inside that house and everything parked in front of that house belongs to the both of you, and if she can't respect that - then she needs to stay her ass at home!

If your husband refuses to put her in her place, then you know what you need to do to put his old ass in his! (clink, clink!)

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com