Monday, August 20th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,


I'm 27 years old and since my sophomore year in college, I have been best friends with Yasha. We've been tight since the night we met and we've only had one or two arguments in the 7 years we've known each other. If I needed something, she had my back and if she needed something, I've had her back.

She told me when my boyfriend was cheating and I did the same for her when I saw her man at the movies with one of our sorors. OK, Yasha started dating a dude I'll call "KJ" about a year ago and it seems like her life has been on a downward spiral ever since. Yasha had a great job at a really good company and five months after meeting this dude, she suddenly left (and lost her house as a result). Her excuse was that they were getting on her nerves, but I never felt comfortable with her story. She was always more responsible than me and the Yasha I know would never just up and walk away from a job without a plan b - I suspected that KJ had something to do with it, but I left it alone.

I found out that this dude was bad news (a drug dealer) and I told my girl. Well she cursed me out and we stopped speaking for a couple of weeks. Yasha has an accounting degree and she has gone from being a financial analyst to a receptionist, to working as a cashier at a dollar store!

She's constantly losing weight and won't tell me what's happening. I think she's on drugs, but she says no. She's always asking for money and I never see any of it returned. KJ hit on me a couple of times and I told Yasha and her excuse was that he was "just a flirt". Well, my boyfriend and I went to their apartment one night and when we left, my boyfriend said, "That dude is bad news. Don't go back over there!" He wouldn't tell me what happened, but he was determined to keep me away from KJ.

Last night, Yasha told me that she wanted to meet with me, so I went to her apartment. I had a strange feeling when I got there, because she kept going in and out of the bedroom and closing the door behind her. Finally, I got suspicious and when I opened her bedroom door, Yasha was leaned over the bed with her skirt up while one man had sex with her from behind, another man was filming and she was snorting cocaine off of some man's penis! I was so shocked, I ran out of there crying.

I haven't called Yasha even though she's been calling me all day. Should I talk to her?

Lena
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Lena,

It sounds like Yasha has gotten her ass into some serious trouble and making sex tapes with three men while doing drugs suggests that she's in too deep. The first question I'd have for Yasha is why the hell she would ask you to come to her house while she was filming a sex video and doing drugs? Do you realize what kind of danger that hoe put you in?

I don't know if KJ was the cause of her problems, or if she was already a freaky drug addict waiting to be freed when she met him, but I do know that you need to back up. I would talk to Yasha, tell her how disappointed (and pissed) you are about her putting your life in danger, and then I'd suggest that she allow you to help her get into some sort of drug treatment because it's never too late to get off of drugs, but she has to want to.

If she doesn't want to get help, then there's nothing you can do. I wouldn't go around her and I wouldn't allow her to come around me unless she agrees to deal with her issues. You should have listened to your man when he told your bald headed ass to stay away from them damned fools. (I'll bet he told you why he didn't want you around them after you told him this shit, didn't he?)

Yasha is bad news, and even though people believe that they have an obligation to "save" folk - the reality is that your obligation is to you first, and to try to get help for your friend second. Don't you take your ass back over there! Believe it or not, you can outgrow friends. Sometimes lives take different paths and you shouldn't feel guilty that you've chosen a different path than Yasha.

I expect you to be angry with her, but when you calm down - offer her some help with her addiction, and nothing more!

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: Misspearlswindow@yahoo.com