Thursday, August 16th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

I"m 25 and I am an only child. My mother and I don't really have a close relationship. I have always been pretty independent and tried to take care of myself because my mother was not like most single mothers, she was always pretty selfish. When I was 15, I went got a job and mom made me pay rent to continue to live in her house. I had to buy my own school clothes, etc., while she was always dressed in nothing but the best. When I was 17, she bought a new car one time and gave me the car she was driving at the time and 3 weeks later the transmission went out and she went around telling everybody that she "gave" me a car and I tore it up by not putting oil in it.

Miss Pearl, I was appreciative of the car she gave me, but I didn't understand why she makes this big deal out of a) "giving me a car" and b) lying and telling people that the reason I don't have it is because I didn't put oil in it. I don't know a lot about cars, but I think that if the transmission went out in 3 weeks, it was on the way out anyway, right?

When I moved away from home and went to college, I worked as a nanny for a wealthy family. Well, these people treated me better than my mom ever did. I eventually stopped asking her for help because the answer was always, "You'd better get out there and get it like I did!" or, "I don't have it." but this family would see how I was struggling and helped me in every way. They would just show up at the dorms with bags and bags of groceries. So much food that I would have to give it away to my dorm mates. But at the same time, I would call mom and say, "I'm hungry" and she would say, "let me call you back" and then wouldn't answer her phone for two weeks.

The last straw was when she told me that she was going to mortgage off the house that my dad left her when he died (that's paid for) and that she was going to continue to mortgage it forever. Then she said, "When I die, anybody (me) who wants the house will continue to pay the mortgage, or they'll be assed out because I don't care what happens after I'm dead." I was so hurt that the ONLY thing my mother has to leave me, she wants me to pay for, so I said, "I don't want the house anyway." even though I do.

Now, I have a good job and my mom is in trouble with her mortgage and she wants me to send her $3,000 (that I KNOW I will never see again) to save her house. Should I send it to her?

Venus
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Dear Venus,

Only you can decide what's good for your heart and soul. If you believe that giving away $3,000 to save your mother's home won't affect you financially and you won't be regretful about it, then send it to her and write it off as a one - time repayment for the few things that she has done for you.

If you're like me, then you'll keep your money in your pocket and repeat the very words she's said to you over the years, "You'd better get out there and get it like I did!", "I'll call you back", or "I don't have it!" - See, I can't pretend that I'm pulling for a mother who is trifling enough to charge her own teenage child rent and make her buy her own clothing. It's sad that in this day and age, a child is trying to better herself by going to college and a parent is too sorry to even send her a couple of dollars to buy something to eat.

She told you that she didn't care what happened to the house if you ever needed it, so why should you give a shit what happens to it now that she needs it? I guess I'm just mean, because I wouldn't give a damn, I really wouldn't. I know my nieces and nephews are going to disagree with me, but oh gat damn well. I SAID it!

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com