Thursday, August 2nd - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My name is LaDaricka St. James, but my birth name is Derrick. If you haven't figured it out by now, I am a pre-op transsexual. I have a big problem that's not really mine, but I feel like I have a moral obligation to do something about it.

My best friend TeTe is also a transsexual and we both moved to Atlanta two years ago because we decided that we wanted to live as women full time and knew that it would be very hard if we did it in our home town.

I like to date straight men and so does my best friend TeTe, the problem is that I tell all the men I date that I still have male sexual organs and TeTe does not. She is dating a good guy who is a doctor and he really loves her and will do anything for her. He has a girlfriend who doesn't know about TeTe and now he is about to leave his girlfriend to move in with Te. The good doctor doesn't know that Te is a man because they have never had sex and I feel like Te should tell him before he finds out later and something bad happens because he seems to have a short fuse whenever he gets mad and I fear that he will do something to hurt Te.

I asked Te to tell him and she says that she wants to wait until they move in together, that way he will feel obligated to stay since they already live together.

Should I say something or mind my own business?

LaDaricka
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear LaDaricka,

I don't know if you owe it to tell the "good doctor" yourself, but TeTe surely does. This is a disaster waiting to happen, I can assure you. So, while on one hand I feel sorry for the doctor in that he is dating, and has fallen in love with, what he believes to be a woman - on the same token, his deceitful ass is getting it no less than exactly how he's giving it because his girlfriend believes that she's with a faithful man!

I honestly don't know what to say here because there are so many angles one could take - are you genuinely concerned because you're just a naturally good person, or does it bother you because your best friend ended up with a doctor who will do anything for her/him?

Is Te really planning to tell the doc that she's a he, or is she hoping that it won't ever come up? Is Te ready to deal with the anger, and possible ass whoopin that is almost sure to come when her straight boyfriend finds out that he's been a gay man all of this time? Are you concerned about the doctor, Te, yourself or the doctors clueless girlfriend? She's the only victim in this sordid tale, so for that reason alone, I believe that she deserves to know that her man is with another man (whether he knows or not).

Get your thoughts together and decide which boat you want to ride on. If you really believe that this man deserves to know (and hell, I suspect he probably does since I'm sure Te has to do some "grooming techniques" that not many women have to do) then you should confront Te and explain to her that she is potentially breaking up a home for naught if this man finds out that she's a he and decides to leave her, so why not find out BEFORE they move in together if he really wants to continue to be with her, and if he doesn't - she can give that problem to his girlfriend.

If Te doesn't agree and you still feel like doc needs to know, drop an anonymous note.

PS: I hate to hear gay men say that they only date "straight" men - Shug, if a man bends you over and there are two sets of balls slappin' against one another - he ain't straight. Wigs and 3lbs of Maybelline notwithstanding.

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com