Thursday, August 9th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My older sister Kelly and my mother always had a bad relationship. Before I was born, my mom was married to Kelly's father David. David was very abusive and used to beat my mother and Kelly to the point where he used to put my mom in the hospital.

He used to hit Kelly so hard in her head when she was a little girl, to this day she still suffers from major headaches and has serious complications behind it. My aunts say that Kelly used to shake violently and cry whenever David came around. Well, even though David was married to mom, he was cheating on my mom with another lady and went to jail for life because he killed a man the lady was also messing with.

Kelly has always had "issues" and she blames it on the fact that her father abused her. Well, I found out about 6 years ago that David wasn't Kelly's real father when I heard my mom talking to one of my aunts. When I later asked my aunt, and then my mom, they both confirmed it.

Mom died last year and Kelly still has issues about her "dad" abusing her. I want to tell her that David wasn't her real father, but I don't know if I should. I asked mom why she would let Kelly go her entire life believing that a murderer who abused her is her father, but she never had an answer.

Should I tell Kelly that the man she believes to be her dad, isn't, or should I mind my own business?

Struggling with the truth
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Dear Struggling,

Wow, this is a deep one. One that I really don't know how to answer. I guess if your mom and your aunts confirmed that David isn't Kelly's real father, then it's probably true. But, like you, I don't know why your mom would let her grow up believing that a murderer, and a man who abused her is her father either.

Have you talked to your aunts? Do they believe that it's a good idea to reveal this information to Kelly at this point? Will telling her make her "issues" even deeper because she'll really hate your mother for keeping it from her, or do you believe telling her will alleviate some of the pain she's gone through her entire life by believing that her father hated her?

I think you should talk to your aunts and see what they think about it because sometimes "truth" hurts more than it helps. I don't know how this situation will play out because I really don't know Kelly, or how deep her issues run.

I don't get stumped too often, but when I do - I do!

Nieces, nephews.... help your cousin with this one. Anybody ever been through something like this? Would you tell?
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com