Dear Miss Pearl,
My older sister Kelly and my mother always had a bad
relationship. Before I was born, my mom was married to Kelly's father David.
David was very abusive and used to beat my mother and Kelly to the point where
he used to put my mom in the hospital.
He used to hit Kelly so hard in
her head when she was a little girl, to this day she still suffers from major
headaches and has serious complications behind it. My aunts say that Kelly used
to shake violently and cry whenever David came around. Well, even though David
was married to mom, he was cheating on my mom with another lady and went to jail
for life because he killed a man the lady was also messing with.
has always had "issues" and she blames it on the fact that her father abused
her. Well, I found out about 6 years ago that David wasn't Kelly's real father
when I heard my mom talking to one of my aunts. When I later asked my aunt, and
then my mom, they both confirmed it.
Mom died last year and Kelly still
has issues about her "dad" abusing her. I want to tell her that David wasn't her
real father, but I don't know if I should. I asked mom why she would let Kelly
go her entire life believing that a murderer who abused her is her father, but
she never had an answer.
Should I tell Kelly that the man she believes to
be her dad, isn't, or should I mind my own business?
Struggling with the
Wow, this is a deep one. One that I really don't know how
to answer. I guess if your mom and your aunts confirmed that David isn't Kelly's
real father, then it's probably true. But, like you, I don't know why your mom
would let her grow up believing that a murderer, and a man who abused her is her
Have you talked to your aunts? Do they believe that it's
a good idea to reveal this information to Kelly at this point? Will telling her
make her "issues" even deeper because she'll really hate your mother for keeping
it from her, or do you believe telling her will alleviate some of the pain she's
gone through her entire life by believing that her father hated her?
I think you should talk to your aunts and see what they
think about it because sometimes "truth" hurts more than it helps. I don't know
how this situation will play out because I really don't know Kelly, or how deep
her issues run.
I don't get stumped too often, but when I do - I do!
Nieces, nephews.... help your cousin with this one.
Anybody ever been through something like this? Would you
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