Wednesday, August 29th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My sister Shelaya has always been a bit immature for her age. She's 35 years old and hasn't dated a man over the age of 24 in the past 5 years. (She has a new boyfriend every 6 months)

She always moves these men into her house and she has a 15 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. She is starting to have problems with her son not respecting her and her boyfriends can forget it. He's not trying to hear anything they say to him.

I stopped by her house recently because she was threatening to beat my nephew with a baseball bat and when I got there, I found out that a) she has been letting his 22 year old girlfriend live in the house with them and sleep in his bed and b) my niece was in her room drinking and smoking cigarettes with her friends. When I went off on everybody, my niece put her friends out (I'm sure they came back when I left) and my nephew calmed down and asked if he and his girl could come to my house.

Of course, I told him that he could come, but I was not going to allow him to lay up in my house with a grown woman like his mother does. My nephew has never raised his voice to me, will do anything I tell him, but he will cuss his mom out at the drop of a dime. It's hard for me to believe some of the things she says he does because of the way he is with other adults, but I do believe that he's doing it.

When I asked Shelaya about her daughter drinking and smoking her excuse was that she would rather have them do it in her house than to get caught doing it in the streets?

How can I make my sister grow up before she messes her kids up any worse than they already are because they really are good kids, they just have no discipline.

Kenaysha
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Dear Kenaysha,

Your sister can't raise children because she's a child her damned self. See, this is exactly why black children need two parents, so that when one is half-assed, the other is there to pick it up from the back end!

I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you were one of my family members who is having this exact same issue. Folk kill me allowing their children to do illegal, dumb shit at home and using the excuse that they would rather have them do it at home than to get caught doing it in the streets in order to justify their lack of parenting! Here's a tip, if your child did it in the streets and would get into trouble with the law for it, then it's ILLEGAL!!

I feel like this, if you can't do it in the streets, you can't do it in my house, and I only needed to say that one time because my kids understood the laws on Pearl's Island! Let me have caught one of mine smoking a joint or drinking while they were underage - they would have been eating that joint and I would have poured that drink down their nostrils, I ain't lyin!

See, this is what I'm getting; your nephew respects you because he does respect authority. He ain't respecting his mother because she's not conducting herself like a mother. She wants to be friends with her children, and that's fine, but you have to know when to draw the line. All kids test you at some point, they talk back, roll their eyes, buck you, but it's up to you to bring their asses back to reality.

I was quick to get down on my kids level, get right in their 4 year old faces, let my eyelashes touch theirs and say, "Let me let you look at me, because apparently you forgot who I am... this mama, now!" and they knew what time it was!

Your sister is triflin' for allowing her teenage son to move a woman into the house and sleep with her and then let her 15 year old daughter and her friends drink. Has it dawned on her that what she does with her children is illegal, but what about the parents of her 15 year old's friends? Do they condone their children being at her house drinking? She's asking for a jail sentence.

Shelaya should also be careful about bringing 20 something men around her teenage daughter and her friends (and that's all I've go to say on that).

Lastly, I'll tell you this - if your nephew is giving your sister hell and disrespecting her and her men, it's probably because he doesn't respect them. How can you expect a 17 year old boy to be OK with another boy having sex with his mother? - That's where all of that shit stems from, and I don't blame him.

It's apparent that your nephew wants some discipline in his life or he wouldn't be asking to come stay with you where there is an abundance of it. Where is the father of these children? Can you call him to come and take the kids? If not, let your sister know that if you come back and that woman is still there, and your niece is still drinking - you will be calling child protective services.

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com