Dear Miss Pearl,
I am a 26 year old woman with no children. All my life
I've had dysfunctional relationships with men, until I met the man I am with
now. I didn't like him at first but I got to know him and I love his spirit,
there is no chemistry but we are best friends.
He is a good man and there
is nothing he wouldn't do for me, he treats me with respect and he has his shit
together. The only problem I have with him is that he has a child! I went into
this with my eyes wide open because when I met him he told me he had a baby on
the way. I thought I could handle it. It's been a year and I often find myself
faking interest when he talks about his daughter and when includes me in there
To make matters worse, we have had arguments about his "baby
mama". One she came to visit and I did her hair because he asked me to and when
he took her home her mother asked him who did it and he lied and said he did it!
I was livid because it seems he is scared to tell her he is in a new
He told me that I overreacted and that the reason he said
what he said was because he doesn't think she needs to know everything. I know I
have to except her if I want to continue dating him but It's not working!
Another thing is, our relationship is soooooooo boring, no spice, sometimes I
think its because I'm used to dealing with no good men and their drama and now
that I have a "good" man I don't know how to deal.
Lately other men have
been catching my eye. I wouldn't cheat on him because he deserves better than
that but I need your help because I don't know if I'm sabotaging this
relationship or what I'm feeling is real and I should except the fact that he
was sent to me for a season.
Dear Miss 202,
I don't know
what your issue is, but it seems to me that you're not interested in this man or
his daughter. If the relationship is "boring" to you, you don't like his child,
and you're not really interested in him other than the fact that he's a good
dude - what do you stand to gain from the relationship?
Most people get
involved in relationships because there is an eventual desire to take it to the
next level - where can you honestly go with a man who is doing all the
right things and you're still not interested? Why does the fact that he
has a child bother you so much? Are you selfish and want all the attention on
you? Do you not want children at all? Is it because of potential baby mama
drama? Or, a combination of the three?
There are a lot of women who don't
want to deal with a man who has children, yet they have no understanding when
they have children of their own and men don't want to be bothered with
their asses. I don't know why your boyfriend didn't want to tell his ex
that you did he daughters hair, but it's possible that she is a bunch
of drama and if she knew that he had another woman around her daughter, she
would try to keep her away from him - some women are like that. (It's apparent
that he is a responsible father because he told you when he met you
that he had a child on the way)
All I can suggest is that you be honest
with him - but be prepared for the fact that once you tell him that you're
having a hard time accepting his daughter, he's going to walk away. I can't
imagine a man loving his child as much as this man seems to, choosing to stay
with a woman who won't accept his baby girl.
It's time to get honest.
Level with him and maybe the two of you can remain friends because it's not fair
to anybody in this situation for you to be in a place that you resent being in.
Don't waste another minute of his time, or yours. Let him know how you feel and
move around, there are plenty of women out there who would love to meet
up with a good, responsible black man who takes care of his children - Lord
knows many of my readers can attest to the fact that there is a
Good luck, Boo.
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send
me an email to: email@example.com