Monday, September Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

I met my girl Traxx at a club about three years ago and together, we have a one year old son. When we met, she was a club chick, went out almost every day of the week and was constantly the life of the party. She knows all the rappers and club owners in our city and has been in a few music videos too.

The problem is that we were hanging out in a recording studio one night about two years ago and she decided to get in the booth and record herself rapping just playing around. All the other rappers told her that she was really good and wanted her to write a couple of verses and they would put her on a track with them. She did it and the track turned out pretty good and she got a little shine in the hood because of it.

Since then she decided that she wants to be a female MC, but I think that she should be at home with me and our son. We are only 22 years old, and she says that she would rather see if she can do it now while she still has a few years left in her, but I don't agree. I have to work, and her mother is always keeping our son, while she is performing and doing shows and stuff. I feel neglected.

How can I tell my girl that she needs to let go of these rap dreams and be a mother to her child and a woman to her man?

Neglected
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Dear Neglected,

Sit your ass down somewhere! Welcome to the world of most black women ages 16 to 26! You should have known that your woman wouldn't be the typical stay at home mom when you met her and she told you that her name was Traxx!!

When you met this woman, it was in the streets. After you got with this woman - she was still in the streets. You made a baby and thought that it would make her settle down, but the truth is, she won't until she's ready! When men want to become "rappers" their girlfriends, wives and families have to make many sacrifices, among them financial, physical and emotional - so what makes you different? Join the club!

Will you be "bothered" if she comes home with a multi-million dollar record deal? She's said herself that she only wants to try this while she has a few years left - sit down with her and come up with a fair time-frame for her to give it up if you feel that you have to do that, but my question is, at what point will you allow her to force you to give up your dreams?

She seems to be aware of the fact that she can't do it forever, so let her have this for a minute. Maybe the two of you can decide that she'll cut down on the amount of time she spends away from home while continuing to pursue her dreams, but don't try to force her to give it up because if you do, she'll resent you and the relationship will end anyway.

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswidow@yahoo.com