Thursday, September 12th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

I dated a guy named Brendon the entire time that I was in high school, and during out sophomore year, I ended up pregnant and had a little boy that he insisted that I name after him. My mom wanted me to go to college, so she agreed to keep my son for the first year while I got acclimated to a school schedule and Brendon got a job after school, so he promised to help as well.

Brendon and I stayed together while I was in college and I came home on the weekends for that first year. After I took our son back to Tennessee with me, he came down to stay with us and we were happy for about a year and then he decided that he couldn't take the "country" life, so he went back to Cleveland.

We were still together on and off, and by the time I hit my junior year, I transferred to a school close to home and we moved in together again. Our son is six years old now and we've been broken up since October of '07. After Brendon moved out, my cousin Tynicka moved in with me because her mother (my aunt) accused her of messing with her boyfriend, and put her out.

Well, my mom came by my house the other day and told me that she needed to talk to me, when she came through, Tynicka was still there, and my mom called me into he living room to tell me that Tynicka had something to tell me. When she started talking, I thought I was in the twilight zone. My first cousin, who had been my girl all of my life had just told me that she was pregnant by Brendon!!

My family doesn't really believe in abortion, so my mom is getting on me about accepting the fact that my son will also be cousins with his brother/sister, but I don't' think that I can, Miss Pearl. Every time I think about explaining that to my child, I get sick to my stomach.

My family is a church going family and they accepted me when I ended up a pregnant unwed, teenager - so, I'm being pushed to forgive my cousin who I feel betrayed me. I don't' know what to do. Please help me, she is going to give birth in 5 months and I don't have that much time to work on this.

Pissed Off
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Dear Pissed Off,

Girl, I understand why you are pissed off - you should be. Your cousin ain't shit! There are way too many men in Cleveland for her to be sleeping with the same man that you have a child with.

I don't know how to tell you to get over this because what your cousin and your ex-boyfriend have done is produce a child, and that child will be a reminder of their betrayal for the rest of your life. If I were you, I wouldn't explain a damned thing about Tynicka's child to your son - Let Brendon explain to his son that he is a no good, sorry f#c& who had sex with his mother's cousin and produced a baby that is now his sister/cousin.

Girl, this is some talk show shit forreal, and I truly understand every ounce of your sickness/embarrassment - how can you not be sickened by this bullshit? The problem here is that you have a close knit family and whereas I would usually tell you to tell everybody involved to hug the crack of your ass, you have a child by Brendon and since Tynicka is your cousin and her child will be a sibling to your child - they're in your lives forever, sweetie.

You don't have to like them to tolerate them, but as far as I'm concerned, you have a long time to get used to it. If you want to allow your child to be a part of his brother/sister's life, then you don't have to be the one to take him around until you are comfortable enough to deal with Brendon, Tynicka and their baby. (PS: I hope you put that hoe out!)

Maybe you should seek some kind of family relationship counseling because I don't know how to tell you to deal with this without being jaded - hell, I would be!

Good luck, Boo - and stay prayed up.

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com