Hi Miss Pearl,
I have been with a man for three years now and the
relationship is great except for one thing - the sex. We do everything together
and I can talk to him about anything and everything. He takes excellent care of
my daughter who does not belong to him (her real father is absent). When I lost
my job he was there to support me emotionally and financially. When I need
someone to talk to I can talk to him about everything. He works hard, very hard
to support us. He always put my needs and my daughter's needs before
My problem is during sex my mind starts to wander off and the sex is
not holding my attention. We have tried everything from different position, porn
movies, toys, etc... You name it, we probably have tried it. Now it is to the
point I hardly want to have sex and when we do I do it reluctantly. Don't get me
wrong sometimes when have sex it is fire but most time it is not.
tried to cheat on him but my heart will not let me do it. I care about him too
much. I actually went as far as to go over the guy's house and we started to
have sex but I got as far as taking my clothes off and my boyfriend kept running
through my head. I just couldn't do it!!! I occasionally please myself (if you
know what I mean) but that is not enough. I know we will get married one day and
but I can't see living the rest of my life with a horrible sex life.
have been trying to figure out if maybe there is something wrong with me but I
don't know what to do. We have talked openly about this problem and I know he is
getting frustrated with me. He has never cheated on and I am sure of that. But I
am scared he might grow tired of being patience with me.
What should I
do? Why can't I concentrate when we are making love? Please help me I want to
keep my man. I love him and he is good to me and my daughter. It is not an
option to me to cheat on him - I realize I respect him too much for that and
love him even more.
Thank you in advance for your advice,
Have you been able to figure out whether your lack of
interest in sex with your boyfriend is a total lack of interest in sex as a
whole, or if it's just sex with him that has you trying to remember if
you got your clothes out of the cleaners while he's got you bent over the night
stand pumpin' and a sweatin'?
In a perfect world, the relationship and
the sex life would both be perfect, but like anything else, you have to work at
some shit. You say that you've tried movies and that hasn't worked, so what
about doing something purely out of the ordinary?
Have you spoken to him
about the fact that you're not feelin' the love, literally? Oftentimes, an ego
causes a man to will himself to believe that he's putting it down when the
reality is that his woman often has to finish herself off while he's in the
bathroom cleaning up.
Does he even know that you're unhappy, because if
you're not telling him the same things that you're telling me, he may
believe that you're pleased.
You can't give men too much credit
when it comes to sex because for the most part, once they get in, most of them
ain't thinkin' about shit else and you can almost be asleep and he won't know
the difference. Some men are just that clueless. You can be in the act
with one, he could ask, "Whose is this?" and five minutes later, you can say,
"Huh?" like you just realized that he even said something and he'll still get up
like he just won 8 gold medals at the sexual Olympics!
Talk to him first
- he sounds like a great guy. You may find out that he thought that he
was satisfying you and when he finds out that he's not, he may put
forth a bit of extra effort. Do something totally off the wall - pull up in a
crowded grocery store parking lot, park in the back, put up your sun visor and
ride him like a Oprah and Rosie O'Donnell on the way to a Chicken McNugget
clearance sale at overstock.com!
If that doesn't work, find a sex
counselor - they obviously have more experience in this area than I do, but by
no means are you to cheat. You've got a good man, you'd better keep him before I
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: email@example.com