Friday, November 2nd - Dear Miss Pearl...

Dear Miss Pearl,

My husband's mother came to live with us a year ago and at first things were pretty good, even though I didn't want anyone coming to live with us. We had barely been married for three years and our first child was only 1 year old and I still felt like a newly wed, but my husband just came in one day and told me that she was selling her house because she wanted to move in with us.

I protested at first, but eventually gave in when he agreed to sell our home and buy another one with a basement so that we could remodel it to give the family some "separation". At the time, things worked out great because she was babysitting and saving us a LOT of money and she never really came upstairs to hang out unless she called to clear things with us first.

I was just as surprised as everyone else that I actually came to enjoy her being here, but then little things started happening, like her flooding the bathtub. Taking the baby in the backyard to play, and then going into the house to talk on the phone and then getting in the bed to take a nap and forgetting him outside.

I told my husband that his mom was suffering from symptoms of dementia, but he and his sisters don't want to believe anything about their mom. They all think that I just don't want her here, but the writing is on the wall. Now she is turning mean and evil toward me because my husband's sister's have told her what I said.

A few days ago, I came home and smelled something burning downstairs and I found two polish sausages burning on the stove with NO water in the pot and she was on the porch on the phone.

How can I convince my husband and his family that I'm not trying to "put their mother away", and make them see her issues for what they are?

Karyn
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Dear Karyn,

At this point, both, your husband and your sister-in-law's need to understand that your mother-in-law's actions are now affecting your family! Your husband and his family are in denial and it's time for a wake-up call.

She left the child outside and went in the house to take a nap!!! Now, the question is, what happens when she decides that she wants to cook a polish sausage and goes to bed while you and your family are asleep upstairs? Is your husband worried about that? I understand that your husband doesn't want to believe that his mother is becoming a problem to you and to herself, but she is now at the point where she is becoming a danger to EVERYBODY and either your husband needs to see that, or he can move downstairs with his mother to watch her every step.

I suggest doing some research online to find the signs of people who are at the beginning stages of dementia or Alzheimer's disease and then buy some books to give to your husband to help him understand what's happening. He really isn't doing anything to HELP his mother by ignoring the problem, there are medications now that will help to prolong the affects of that disease, so he needs to get her some help while he can.

I hope it works out for you.

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com