Dear Miss Pearl,
My husband's mother came to live with us a year ago and
at first things were pretty good, even though I didn't want anyone coming to
live with us. We had barely been married for three years and our first child was
only 1 year old and I still felt like a newly wed, but my husband just came in
one day and told me that she was selling her house because she wanted to move in
I protested at first, but eventually gave in when he agreed to
sell our home and buy another one with a basement so that we could remodel it to
give the family some "separation". At the time, things worked out great because
she was babysitting and saving us a LOT of money and she never really came
upstairs to hang out unless she called to clear things with us first.
was just as surprised as everyone else that I actually came to enjoy her being
here, but then little things started happening, like her flooding the bathtub.
Taking the baby in the backyard to play, and then going into the house to talk
on the phone and then getting in the bed to take a nap and forgetting him
I told my husband that his mom was suffering from symptoms of
dementia, but he and his sisters don't want to believe anything about their mom.
They all think that I just don't want her here, but the writing is on the wall.
Now she is turning mean and evil toward me because my husband's sister's have
told her what I said.
A few days ago, I came home and smelled something
burning downstairs and I found two polish sausages burning on the stove with NO
water in the pot and she was on the porch on the phone.
How can I
convince my husband and his family that I'm not trying to "put their mother
away", and make them see her issues for what they
point, both, your husband and your sister-in-law's need to understand that your
mother-in-law's actions are now affecting your family! Your husband and
his family are in denial and it's time for a wake-up call.
She left the
child outside and went in the house to take a nap!!! Now, the question is, what
happens when she decides that she wants to cook a polish sausage and goes to bed
while you and your family are asleep upstairs? Is your husband worried about
that? I understand that your husband doesn't want to believe that his mother is
becoming a problem to you and to herself, but she is now at the point where she
is becoming a danger to EVERYBODY and either your husband needs to see that, or
he can move downstairs with his mother to watch her every step.
doing some research online to find the signs of people who are at the beginning
stages of dementia or Alzheimer's disease and then buy some books to give to
your husband to help him understand what's happening. He really isn't doing
anything to HELP his mother by ignoring the problem, there are medications now
that will help to prolong the affects of that disease, so he needs to get her
some help while he can.
I hope it works out for you.
If you want
advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org