Dear Miss Pearl,
My son is gay and has invited everyone to a "civil
union" that I have no plans to attend, and I've told him this, which has caused
a bunch of drama in my family.
My wife says that I should support our
son's decision to live his life as a law abiding citizen who has never been to
jail or ever given us any problems, but I say to hell with man's law, what about
God's law? I do not, nor will I ever believe that two men should get married and
I don't understand why my family feels that I am wrong to believe
My wife told me that if I don't drive her to New Mexico for his
"wedding" I will have hell to pay when she gets back, my daughter's say that
they will never forgive me and, even my other son says that he is going to go,
even though he is only going because my wife has made him feel
The only person in the family who seems to understand why I don't
want to come is the one actually getting "married". I told my wife that he told
me that he understood, but she says that he just told me that so that I wouldn't
feel "guilted" into coming, and that's just fine with me.
Do I have an
obligation to attend a wedding that I don't want any part
absolutely have no obligation to attend a wedding that you don't believe in, but
I think that in a show of support for your son, you need to make an effort to
understand his choices better.
What he does sexually has nothing to do
with the fact that he is still your son, and if he's telling you that he
understands your decision, while secretly telling everyone else that he doesn't,
then there are obviously some unresolved issues between the two of you that need
to be worked out.
It's clear that he loves YOU enough to understand your
thought process, so why not meet him half way with his thought process? Maybe
you can drive your wife down to New Mexico, but not attend the wedding when you
get there. I honestly think that you just showing your face in the city will be
more than enough for you son.
You don't have to become gay to accept
someone else's decision to embrace THEIR homosexuality - so, don't fear, what
your son does in the privacy of his bedroom will have no bearing on what happens
in yours. Homosexuality isn't contagious, and I truly hope that your religious
conviction as it relates to homosexuality is just as strong as it relates to
everything else in the bible!
Don't be a hypocrite, make sure that you're
just as conflicted about lying, cheating, stealing and everything else the bible
speaks against before you turn your back on your son for his
It's one day. Drive your wife to her son's wedding, even if
you don't get out of the car. It's a step.
If you want advice from Miss
Pearl, send me an email to: email@example.com