My son is gay and has invited everyone to a "civil union" that I have no plans to attend, and I've told him this, which has caused a bunch of drama in my family.
My wife says that I should support our son's decision to live his life as a law abiding citizen who has never been to jail or ever given us any problems, but I say to hell with man's law, what about God's law? I do not, nor will I ever believe that two men should get married and I don't understand why my family feels that I am wrong to believe that.
My wife told me that if I don't drive her to New Mexico for his "wedding" I will have hell to pay when she gets back, my daughter's say that they will never forgive me and, even my other son says that he is going to go, even though he is only going because my wife has made him feel guilty.
The only person in the family who seems to understand why I don't want to come is the one actually getting "married". I told my wife that he told me that he understood, but she says that he just told me that so that I wouldn't feel "guilted" into coming, and that's just fine with me.
Do I have an obligation to attend a wedding that I don't want any part of?
Clarence
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Dear Clarence,
You absolutely have no obligation to attend a wedding that you don't believe in, but I think that in a show of support for your son, you need to make an effort to understand his choices better.
What he does sexually has nothing to do with the fact that he is still your son, and if he's telling you that he understands your decision, while secretly telling everyone else that he doesn't, then there are obviously some unresolved issues between the two of you that need to be worked out.
It's clear that he loves YOU enough to understand your thought process, so why not meet him half way with his thought process? Maybe you can drive your wife down to New Mexico, but not attend the wedding when you get there. I honestly think that you just showing your face in the city will be more than enough for you son.
You don't have to become gay to accept someone else's decision to embrace THEIR homosexuality - so, don't fear, what your son does in the privacy of his bedroom will have no bearing on what happens in yours. Homosexuality isn't contagious, and I truly hope that your religious conviction as it relates to homosexuality is just as strong as it relates to everything else in the bible!
Don't be a hypocrite, make sure that you're just as conflicted about lying, cheating, stealing and everything else the bible speaks against before you turn your back on your son for his lifestyle.
It's one day. Drive your wife to her son's wedding, even if you don't get out of the car. It's a step.
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com
You are not wrong! for many people, homosexuality is abnormal and ungodly.... and an ABOMINATION according to God's law. Lying , cheating etc. are sins according to God's law BUT NOT ABOMINATIONS!!! Personally, I am totally repulsed by homosexuality, and I don't think anyone should make you feel guilty! After all you have not said you don't love your son, or that you will not speak to him again! Why should you be brow beaten into accepting a practice because the GAY LOBBY has hammered it down our collective throats!
ReplyDelete1st off Clarence U have a right to your stinky attitude. U choose to live your lifestyle & your son has a right to live his.
ReplyDeleteWhen the day comes for your son to stand before God he will have to do it for himself so as U & your wife as well as everybody else. Stay your azz at home because U will most likely spoil the party.
Please do not listen to 8:11, this person sounds like they live in a bubble. If YOUR child is committing to something for his entire life, you should at least give him support if you don't want to support the ceremony. I agree with Pearl, go to the city, maybe go to the ceremony and be with YOUR family. Life is too short to pick and choose convictions. He is your own flesh and blood, try to see it from his point of view.
ReplyDeleteThis is a big problem and I agree with anon 8:11. People are so busy trying to force everyone to accept homosexuality. They scream about gay rights. What about my rights? What you do behind closed doors is your business. Why do I have to hear about it? Why are they trying to force people to accept it? Why are they trying to introduce it in the schools? What happened to my rights and choices? Why as a parent am I not allowed to shield my kids against this lifestyle? Kids are not allowed to be kids anymore. They are being made to grow up too fast by the gay community screaming for us to teach tolerance. What about my rights as a parent that does not want to have to explain this mess to young children? This is not what God intended and no amount of shouting and protesting is going to change that. I am sickened, saddened and hurt by what this world has become. God is not pleased.
ReplyDeleteAnon, I agree with you when you say people are always trying to force their beliefs on others. If you don't believe same-sex unions, then don't attend the wedding. Why should you feel compelled to see things from your son's point of view when he obviously is not compelled to see things from your point of view.
DeleteSimply tell your son that you love him and will always be there for him when and if he needs you, but that HIS choices and beliefs are not necessarily YPU choices and beliefs. Let him know that your decision to skip out on his wedding doesn't mean you plan to skip out on HIM. If you feel convicted in doing something, then you should follow your convictions because in the end, it's YOU who have to stand before your God and account for the wrong you've done and that includes accepting those things that you know are against Him.
There are tbings that I know my mother would NEVER accept and therefore, I would NEVER put her in a position to even have to make her decide between me and her beliefs. Like, if I decided to be gay and marry my partner, I would NEVER ask my mother to come to the wedding. Or, if I decided to cheat on my husband, I would NEVER bring the other man around my mother. I know what she stands for and I respect that, point blank.
Again, if you love your son, please have a heart-to-heart with him and let him know that both of you should respect each others' choices. Reassure him that you love him and just make sure not to bash him over and over about his lifestyle. Hopefully, y'all can get past this and not let this come between your relationship.
Clarance i wouldnt go either. Deep down inside your OWN family knows that this is not right. God thought it was awful for a male to lay with another male, let alone marry! This world is truly awful today.
ReplyDeleteAs long as your son knows that you still love him thats all thats important. You don't have to support something your uncomfortable with just to make the mases happy. Your family is dead wrong for forcing guilt on you. Stay home and mail him a card that should do!!
ReplyDeleteThe question is "Do you love your son more than you hate his sin?" Much of the world is already against him, he shouldn't have to deal with the same thing from his family. Like Pearl said, if you would go visit him in jail, send him care packages or put money on his book if he murdered someone, you are being a hypocrite. You don't have to walk him down the aisle, but I'm sure it would mean the world to him to see you sitting there out of love for him despite how you feel about homosexuality. He may have told you he understands how you feel, but understanding still doesn't stop his feelings from being hurt. How many times have you "understood" but still been hurt regardless? Also remember this, oftentimes that child we turn our back on is the only one who's going to be there in our time of need.
ReplyDeleteFor all you Bible thumpers, remember that Jesus loved & went out amongst all of the sinners & outcasts that the rest of society shunned. Regardless of our sins, God loves ALL of his children.
I disagree. God made women for men.Two men can't reproduce.Two women can't reproduce. The anus is an exit for excrement.....that is all.
DeleteDo you only have sex when you want to have a child? I doubt it, so sex obviously isn't just for procreation. 1 man + 1 woman doesn't equal reproduction and there are a lot of people out here who can testify to that. As far as the anus being used only as an exit for excretory purposes, you need to tell a lot of women & their heterosexual male partners that because a lot of them are using the anus improperly as well. And since you insist on peeking into others bedrooms, not all gay men have anal sex. God sent his son Jesus here to die for our sins and Jesus shunned NO ONE...that is all.
DeleteYou will never be accepted. You will always be hated. People will grab their children in horror as you walk by. You are gross and Jesus did not die so tird burglars can spread their perverted ways. That is all.
DeleteIgnorance. You don't have any valid response when presented with facts so you stoop to emotional name calling. Just say "I believe what I believe & I ain't changing!" instead of saying dumb things that can be easily refuted and that show your immaturity. By the way, white people say the same things about blacks & used the Bible to justify a lot of things. According to them, the Bible says black people should be slaves, aren't real people & definitely shouldn't be allowed to marry white people. Where do we draw the line? Right at slavery for you I guess. But to get off of the religion thing, the bottom line is, I'm not turning my back on my child regardless of what they do. Sometimes love means supporting the PERSON even when you don't support the ACT. I personally don't believe in interracial marriage, but that means that I won't marry a white person, but if my child marries one, I'm still going to be there because my child is always my child.
DeleteAnon, I agree, the name-calling is insensitive and there are better ways to disagree without stooping to those levels. Anon 6:32 didn't mean that. I'm quite sure emotions ran high. Let's still respect each other, regardless of our disagreements.
DeleteAs for race, I don't think you can hardly compare race to sexual orientation. Homosexuality is a sin according to the Bible I read and the God I know; being Black/White/Indian/Mexican, etc. is not. So, the comparison is not really valid. I can see supporting my son in an interracial relationship; I will NEVER support my child in ANY sin he commits, including homosexuality. But, I will always love my child and I would not shun him. I just don't have to accept HIS choices and as his mother AND a Christian, it's my duty to train up a child in the way he should go. If he chooses not to take heed, then HE will have to answer. I can't live his life and I'm not going to let him or no one else live mine; meaning, I have to answer to my God and I'll be damned (literally) if I conform to the way of the world, knowing it's against God's word.
Yes, Jesus did socialize with sinners, but not in SUPPORT of their wrongdoing. Please note that He did minister to them while in their midst. So, if this man goes to this wedding, he'd have to minister to them and I don't think that's what they want. It's just best that he holds tight to his beliefs and love his son at the same time. If his son can't accept, understand and respect that, then that's the son's issue, not the man's. We are not supposed to stand by and just condone wrongdoing. As Christians, we will be judged for that as well as the sins we've committed.
Just because your homeboys kick in people's doors and rob them at gunpoint, does that mean it's OK for you to follow suit? Just because your friends skip school and go to someone's house to do drugs or drink, does that mean it's OK for you to do it? Sometimes you gotta stick to YOUR beliefs, even if it means you stand alone.
GOD is the final judge...and you shouldn't create an problem with your son. You made him...with your chromosome...so him being who he is...tired DIRECTLY to your ball sack.
ReplyDeleteNonsense! Clarence don't go if you don't want to.. If you love your son, tell him and stick to your beliefs. Homosexuality will never we ok according to Gods law neither is it ok according to natures law. God is the final judge indeed , however why should I support a perverted lifestyle because a tiny minority of people insist it's not perverted? I can never support my son to marry a man GOD FORBID, but I will always love him!
ReplyDeleteI dont understand why som men prefer men or women prefer women. But then again i dont understand why I prefer a man either. My BRAIN tells me to be attracted to tall, dark skin men. Just like it tells me to love chocolate and hate coconut. My mom and dad and not even society instilled that in me. Thats just the way my brain works. Is it so hard to come to terms with the fact that a man's brain works the same way as mine? It's not like we get to pick the brains and bodies we want. The brain formulated the attraction I BELIEVE regardless of what genitalia u have. They are two CONSENTING adults choosing to share a life with one another.
ReplyDeleteSO GET OVER IT!!!
DeleteBut Remy, this isn't so much about keeping two consenting adults from being together. This is about the THIRD adult who does not believe in gay marriages but is feeling pressured to attend a gay wedding. Clarence's argument is not whether or not his son should marry another man. His argument is why should HE be forced to support something he doesn't believe in?
DeleteBottom line, Clarence should respect his son's right to choose; his son should respect his right to choose and at the end of the day, they can still love each other.
No one knows WHAT God said. The bible was written by man. Get over yourselves.
ReplyDeletePearl, your readers have certainly gone downhill over the years.
@ anon4:11pm.... you are obviously not a Christian! The Bible is supposed to be Gods word! And you are a Christian by faith and not by fact.... SO you get over yourself and believe what you want, and allow Christians to believe what they believe!
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you this and before you say its not the same thing just think about it. If your law abiding son was quite the opposite, had multiple baby mommas and was on trial for commiting murder, would you attend all of his court dates? If he was convicted of murder would you send him money? Would you visit him or completely write him off? Would you still support your son then? People are so quick to condemn homosexuality while everything is ok. Shame.
ReplyDeleteGood question Anon. Very good question! And yes, it IS the same thing, maybe with some slight differences, but, you've made a very good point, wrong is wrong.
DeleteLet me say this, if my son (or daughter) had multiple baby mamas (baby daddys), I would STILL love my son/daughter and support the kids. But, please don't think I would condone the behavior. I would tell my child every chance I get how what he/she is doing is wrong and displeasing, you'd better believe it. I have told both my sons that they are to NEVER bring multiple women around me. It's simply unacceptable. When my uncle was separated from his wife, he went to live with my grandmother. My grandmother came home and his girlfriend was sitting in the car in my grandmother's driveway. My grandmother told him, no sir, not here! And that was just the DRIVEWAY! Oh, and I teach abstinence until marriage (not that the kids will adhere, but that's what I teach).
If my son was on trial for murder and I BELIEVED he was innocent, then yes, I would go to support my child. Now, if I believed my child was guilty, I don't know whether or not I would go to the trial, but even if I did, it wouldn't necessarily be in support of him. Wrong is wrong and I wouldn't want to send the wrong message to my child or to the victims. And as for me sending him money in jail, HALE-TO-THA-NAWL!!! Unless I KNEW FOR A FACT my child was innocent, I ain't sending my hard-earned money to nobody in jail for committing a crime. In fact, my husband told my son don't even CALL HIM if he goes to jail!
And, Anon, I'm not quick to condemn homosexuality and remain OK with everything else. That's not me. But, the difference in homosexuality is they don't feel it's wrong and therefore won't try to change. Whereas, I'm quite sure the majority of criminals will probably at least ADMIT that what they're doing is wrong. The majority of adulterers would probably ADMIT that even though they're cheating, it's wrong. Jeffery Dahmer did admit that what he did was wrong. The Greeriver Killer admitted that what he did was wrong. One of the two theives hanging next to Jesus admitted that he was guilty. Barrabas admitted that he was wrong. That is one of the differences I spoke of in my first paragraph.
But, your question was a damn good question and when you think about it like that, maybe the man should go to his son's wedding. Hale, it's probably over by now, though!!!
Side note: Look at Woody (above). Did he come out the closet on y'all's azzes? And he tipped his hat, "How YOU doing? Thank ya kindly!" He DID that!!!
ReplyDelete