Dear Ms. Pearl,
I am a 28 year old female, who has a 4 year old daughter,
I have been raising my daughter by myself since she was 5 months old because her
dad went to jail for 4 years. When he went to jail I promised him that I would
wait on him and we would still be together and perhaps get married when he comes
home.
I have always taken my daughter to visit him, so she does know her
dad very well. I made that promise because we had never even had problems, we
truly had a great life together when he was home.
Well for the past 3 1/2
years I stayed true to my word, never really dated or had male friends because I
was "in love". About 2 months ago I met a guy that I really like, we have been
spending time together, and I even let my daughter meet him. He knows all about
my daughters father who is now coming home in about 6 months.
I have
never been in a situation like this with 2 guys. I am not sure what I am going
to do, I can't just tell my daughters father that it's over. On the other hand,
what if we have truly grown apart and we can't be together anymore.I am so
confused, what should I do?
Emotionally
Torn
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Emotionally Torn,
First off,
I need to know what your boyfriend did to get 4 years in prison before I
determine that you're dumb as hell for sitting around for 4 years waiting on him
to get out of jail. Did he rob and beat a 73 year old broad, or did he have a
whole bunch of tickets?
I won't call you stupid for putting your life on
hold and sitting around waiting on someone to get out of jail, but if you ask
your mama and some of your girlfriends what they've said behind your
back, they I'm sure they did it enough.
Six months - maybe. A year - I
don't think I could make it, but I don't really know. Four years, you a bad
b*tch - because it couldn't be me! What I don't understand is the fact that you
spent all of these years waiting on this man and then when he's got six months
before he comes home, you decide to start dating another man. What's wrong with
that picture?
Something is going on that you're not admitting to. Is your
sudden desire to be with another man right before the "love of your life" comes
home more about the fact that you don't really want to be with him when he gets
home, or maybe it's because you're afraid that you outgrew him while he was away
and you're trying to sabotage the relationship by seeing someone else to prevent
having to break it off? Either way, it's time to woman up.
You've waited
all of this time, so either you're going to be with the man, or you're going to
let his a$$ go. It's quite simple.
If you didn't want to be with him,
then you should have been preparing him for this $hit a long time ago instead of
having him believe that he's coming home to his woman and child, only to find
out that you waited years for him to come home and then started a new
relationship days before he walked out of those gates!
This doesn't make
sense to me because you're trying to convince me that you loved a man so much
that you wouldn't even have a male FRIEND for almost 4 years, but now this new
person came into your life and he's able to cause you to doubt that love in less
than 2 months? I'm not buying it.
Are you sure that you're not trying to
stack the deck by setting your plan in motion to convince your boyfriend that
you were faithful to him and you want to use this letter as "proof" that you
were "faithful" up until 6 months prior to his release when the inevitable point
where he confronts you comes?
If your story is true, then you're here
because you chose to be. You could have waited a few more months and then
decided if he's still the man you fell in love with and if he wasn't, you could
have walked away, you could have also decided that, after a reasonable amount of
time, that you were going to do you and if you got back together after he got
out, fine, if not - that would have been fine too. But you decided to wait until
the storm was almost over to put on your raincoat, and it just doesn't make much
sense.
One of these men need to go - its' your job to decide which
one.
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to:
misspearlswindow@yahoo.com
I agree with miss pearl what did he do to cause him to be in jail? You really don't know him at this point and what he's been exposed to in jail. I would definantly move on, most of the time these men will do something to wind up back in jail. Please go on with your life see what this new guy has to offer for you and your kid.
ReplyDeleteRegardless if he is the father of your child, you should have not made those promises Things change in 4 years, shoot things change everyday. If anything you should have told him that the child will be waiting.
ReplyDeleteIt is more to this story. You are not sharing your true feelings and you are leaving out the keys facts to assist you with your concerns.
I can relate to your story. Don't feel bad or beat yourself up. My daughters father had 4 years left when she was 6 months. Like you I took her to see him and she knew him very well. Like you I promised to wait and I did up until 9 months before he came home. I had never met a guy i liked in the previous 3 years. Of course he found out because the "streets" talked and he was devastated. Oh well if the shoe was on the other foot, he would had a woman in the 1st month. Do whats best for you and your daughter, follow your heart. I guarantee that when he comes home he will not be that perfect man you had expected hum to be.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard cause I know you love him but.... And sometimes women wait on men to get out and they think dude is gonna be with them but, he gets out and hooks up with some other chick that has been writing him and coming to see him when you don't . So go ahead and try something new for you and your kid he had his chance don't miss yours and if he has a record it could be hard for him to get a job and help you so good luck either way
ReplyDeleteAyntee has spoken well. It might help in your decision if U can ask the bf what has been going on with him & Bubba & the boys.
ReplyDeleteThanks very nice blog!
ReplyDeletemy site > http://autolisi.gr/index.php?option=com_blog&view=comments&pid=50603&Itemid=0
I agree with Anon @ 11:41 am. I was with a guy and he got several months, we didn't have a child at the time (but now we do). I waited on him, got a house phone so he could call, and stopped hanging with some girlfriends he already didn't like very well, so I could be home when he called. We were engaged when he went. I am woman enough to admit that he was a convicted drug felon,but I saw potential, motivated him to aspire for more, and wouldn't except anything less (I made it clear I wouldn't be with a drug dealer and wouldn't allow it in my home..although it was only weed). Well, I'm a great writer and sat down one day to right a letter to the judge, explaining to the judge that he had in fact gotten a job since being with me (was through a staffing agency..but it was a great start). I went on to tell the judge that I had 2 children who loved him and he had changed so much with my encouragement behind him, and that he was helping me pay bills and my mortgage which was under foreclosure. When I took the letter to the judge..he was still in court, so I was directed to a MAJOR in the police department. She told me that it usually takes 30 days for a judge to even look at a letter from a family member, but because I presented myself so well, and the letter was extremely professional, she would ensure he got it. MY PEARLSWINDOW FAMILY.....GOD IS GOOD. One week after I gave her that letter, an officer contacted me at 6 am and told me that because of my letter and me speaking on his behalf he was given the work program. Where he could leave jail everyday MON-FRI @ 6 am and return every night by 7pm (to go to work...but of course you know he would chill with me until his schedule started and 1 hour before he had to return). LONG STORY SHORT...I DID THAT FOR THAT NINJA CAUSE I LOVED HIM AND BELIEVED IN HIM..Chile dude was dealing with all kinds of hoes on the phone while he was at work..got caught 2 times, but when they caught him a 3rd time they fired him..that's how I found out. I'm the chick who picked him up, took him to work, bought his lunch to work, bought him back to jail..and he still went a dealt with hoes who didn't really give 2 craps about him. I say LIVE YOUR LIFE...just like ANON 11:41 says..he probably talks to his roommates girlfriend friends on the phone, gets letters and visits that you don't know about..THEY USUALLY DO. Sorry about the novel my friends...
ReplyDelete