Friday, January 17th - Dear Miss Pearl...

Hi Miss Pearl,

I have been with a man for three years now and the relationship is great except for one thing - the sex. We do everything together and I can talk to him about anything and everything. He takes excellent care of my daughter who does not belong to him (her real father is absent). When I lost my job he was there to support me emotionally and financially. When I need someone to talk to I can talk to him about everything. He works hard, very hard to support us. He always put my needs and my daughter's needs before his.

My problem is during sex my mind starts to wander off and the sex is not holding my attention. We have tried everything from different position, porn movies, toys, etc... You name it, we probably have tried it. Now it is to the point I hardly want to have sex and when we do I do it reluctantly. Don't get me wrong sometimes when have sex it is fire but most time it is not.

I have tried to cheat on him but my heart will not let me do it. I care about him too much. I actually went as far as to go over the guy's house and we started to have sex but I got as far as taking my clothes off and my boyfriend kept running through my head. I just couldn't do it!!! I occasionally please myself (if you know what I mean) but that is not enough. I know we will get married one day and but I can't see living the rest of my life with a horrible sex life.

I have been trying to figure out if maybe there is something wrong with me but I don't know what to do. We have talked openly about this problem and I know he is getting frustrated with me. He has never cheated on and I am sure of that. But I am scared he might grow tired of being patience with me.

What should I do? Why can't I concentrate when we are making love? Please help me I want to keep my man. I love him and he is good to me and my daughter. It is not an option to me to cheat on him - I realize I respect him too much for that and love him even more.

Thank you in advance for your advice,

Can't Concentrate
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Dear Can't Concentrate,

Have you been able to figure out whether your lack of interest in sex with your boyfriend is a total lack of interest in sex as a whole, or if it's just sex with him that has you trying to remember if you got your clothes out of the cleaners while he's got you bent over the night stand pumpin' and a sweatin'?

In a perfect world, the relationship and the sex life would both be perfect, but like anything else, you have to work at some shit. You say that you've tried movies and that hasn't worked, so what about doing something purely out of the ordinary?

Have you spoken to him about the fact that you're not feelin' the love, literally? Oftentimes, an ego causes a man to will himself to believe that he's putting it down when the reality is that his woman often has to finish herself off while he's in the bathroom cleaning up.

Does he even know that you're unhappy, because if you're not telling him the same things that you're telling me, he may believe that you're pleased.

You can't give men too much credit when it comes to sex because for the most part, once they get in, most of them ain't thinkin' about shit else and you can almost be asleep and he won't know the difference. Some men are just that clueless. You can be in the act with one, he could ask, "Whose is this?" and five minutes later, you can say, "Huh?" like you just realized that he even said something and he'll still get up like he just won 8 gold medals at the sexual Olympics!

Talk to him first - he sounds like a great guy. You may find out that he thought that he was satisfying you and when he finds out that he's not, he may put forth a bit of extra effort. Do something totally off the wall - pull up in a crowded grocery store parking lot, park in the back, put up your sun visor and ride him like a Oprah and Rosie O'Donnell on the way to a Chicken McNugget clearance sale at overstock.com!

If that doesn't work, find a sex counselor - they obviously have more experience in this area than I do, but by no means are you to cheat. You've got a good man, you'd better keep him before I get him!

If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: misspearlswindow@yahoo.com