I am 19 years old and I'm at a point that I don't know what to do. I am a freshman in college and I just got out of a relationship with a guy I have been with since I was 15 years old. We are from the same town and dated all through high school and then we came to the same college so that we could continue to be together.
Marcus has been my entire world for the past five years; I did
everything with and for him. I even did his homework assignments and let my own
grades suffer so that his father wouldn't get mad and make him come home for not
keeping up his grades.
Miss Pearl, I love Marcus with my everything - I
would give up my life for him and now my world is over. Marcus came to me two
months ago and told me that he needed a break, that he didn't have time for a
girlfriend and I agreed that we could take a break as long as he agreed to come
back to me eventually. He came to me and told me that he needed extra money and
I dropped one of my afternoon classes so that I could get a part time job and
help him pay his insurance (his parents paid the car note).
dropped from a 3.5 to a 3.0 when I found out that during our "break" Marcus had
started dating a girl from my dormitory. Miss Pearl, I have lost 20lbs and my
roommate has called my mom, who is coming here in two weeks to "check on me" -
Marc is my world, and my mother acts like she has never been in love. I have
talked to Marcus and begged him to try to work things out with me. I even told
him that I would be ok with him continuing to date "Asia" if he would come back
to me. Three weeks ago, he and one of his friends came to pick me up and he
asked me to have sex with him in the back of the truck while his friend drove us
around - I did, but he still went back to his girlfriend and I feel like a
Miss Pearl, I'm not eating, I'm not going to class and I'm still
working a second job to help him pay his bills. My roommate and her friends call
me a fool and say that I am letting a man drive me crazy, but Marc is all I can
think about - please help me,
Desperate for Marcus in
Normally, I would take a letter like yours and rip the writer
a new asshole for BEING an asshole, but I suspect that the last thing you need
is someone telling you that you ain't shit. You need to understand that you DO
have self-worth and that you ARE somebody; but before I can convince you of any
of that, you have to want to believe it yourself.
Sweetheart, hear me and
hear me good - I KNOW that you are going through something that feels like the
worst thing you've ever been through in your entire life, but it's not. In a few
years, you'll look back on this situation, laugh, and ask, "Marcus who?"
Breaking up is a part of life, a right of passage that we all go through in
order to prepare us for the real world - disappointments that come with
If you are a christian woman, I suggest you put your trust in God,
and not in a man. You believe that your mother doesn't understand, but nothing
could be further from the truth, she understands more than you know. She loves
you, and she knows that what you are going through, SHE went through and most
women before you have as well - you are not the first woman to lose her first
love and you won't be the last.
You have to be strong enough to work your
way through it. Don't fault Marcus for breaking your heart, he is going through
a learning process as well. College is a place where many people make major
decisions... and mistakes - but if you were to ask your mother, her mother, and
most of the PEOPLE you know, if they are still with their first love - many will
tell you "no", hell, most won't even remember that persons name. Shit, not only
do I not remember my first love, I but I was on my fourth sex partner by the
time I FELL in love with him! (don't do what I do - it was a different
The first thing I need you to do is call your mama, then quit that
second job and go to your guidance counselor or find out if there are some peer
counseling groups on your campus and talk to some people just like you. Soon,
you'll realize that you're not the only one - get back to yourself, stay busy,
take part in some activities that keep your mind on other things, that's the
best way to get over a bad situation.
If Marcus needs help with his
bills, let HIM get a job, or let his current girlfriend provide that, but your
assistance stops today - your priority is YOU from this day forward.
will be hard, but it gets better... baby, you're bruised, not broken. I felt the
need to provide you a theme song to help you through this process... download
it, it's by a young lady named Joss Stone and it's CALLED "Bruised But Broken" -
learn the words and keep on keeping on... it'll be hard in the beginning, but
each day, it'll get better.
The phenomenal woman you should be is just
waiting on you to bring her out! You sent me a picture, and you are indeed a
BEAUTIFUL young woman - you will need your mother, your friends and God to get
you through this, but you can do it. The best way to get back on your feet is to
show the people who hurt you that you're over it... stay in touch