Dear Miss Pearl,
I am a 26 yr. old single parent who lost my job almost a year ago and living off of unemployment. The problem that I am experiencing is my father. I moved into a new apartment in November of 2009.
The last 2 weeks of me living in my old apartment, my father asked if he could stay with me until I moved and I said yes. Moving day came and he helped me move in and everything. The problem is, it is now April of 2010 and he still hasn't gone anywhere. Don't get me wrong I love my dad with all my heart but I can't deal with him.
I have a two bedroom apartment and he sleeps in my living room. I recently purchased a new furniture set and I asked him to move his air mattress into the dining area because I want my living room to actually be a living room instead of a bedroom. He refused and told me that would be doing too much and he needed his own privacy instead of being out in the open. He never moved his things out of the living room.
He doesn't have a job and he doesn't contribute to my household at all and I'm fed up. He uses all my hair products, he goes into my room when I'm not home and takes things off my dresser. He wears my boyfriends' clothing and shoes and eats up all of my food.
I am soooo tired of dealing with this and I don't know what to do. I love my dad and he has nowhere else to go and I really don't wanna see him on the streets. Miss Pearl, please help me to find a way to tell my dad that I need my space and I want him to go!!!
Dear Torn Daughter,
Somebody in your house needs to do work and either it needs to be you by putting your daddy's a$$ o-u-t... or your father - after he puts in some applications and takes the bus to somebody's job every day. I'm one of those parents who believes that a parent who has a child and believes that they're owed something in return for housing, feeding and generally taking care of that child, is dead a$$ WRONG!!
If you buy a dog, it's your responsibility to feed it. If you buy a car, it's your responsibility to do maintenance and put gas in it, if you have child, it's your responsibility to feed him or her and give him or her a place to live and you don't deserve a prize in return for doing what you're obligated to do in the first place.
Just like parents who believe that their kids are out of line for expecting gifts in exchange for getting good grades in school - I feel the same way about you taking care of your RESPONSIBILITIES as a parent who MADE a baby, and you don't deserve $hit in the end for doing what's right. Granted, the child should feel some sense of obligation to you at some point, but there is no law that says that should allow you to come in and disrupt their lives because you've decided that you simply don't want to do anything with your life anymore.
With that said, you need to let your father's loafing a$$ know that it's time to move! It's bad enough that he asked to move in until you moved... but then you moved and his a$$ took it upon himself to move WITH you, and then he has the nerve to tell you what he will and won't do while he's wearing your boyfriend's shoes and has your pink moisturizing lotion in his hair?!?! No ma'am!
I know you love your father, but you're young and the fact that he doesn't want to do anything with his life is on him - he needs to go. It's going to be hard, but you need to sit him down and explain where you are at this point in your life. Tell your father that he has to make some provisions and stick to them. Give him 60 days to find a job and get up off of that thang!
Your father has to move, plain and simple and he needs to figure out how he's going to do that on his own because it's not your responsibility to figure it out for him. After you sit him down and explain that it's time for him to go, then you need to lay down some house rules, the first one is that he needs to stay out of yours and your boyfriends $hit, then he needs to take that air mattress and put it WHEREVER you tell him to put it, and THEN you need to go to Walmart and pick up a lock for your door and lock your room up when you leave to keep him and his black hair gel and out of your boyfriend's Croc's - if he doesn't like your new rules, then he needs to move that day.
Make it as uncomfortable for him as possible and force him to leave, because if you continue to let him tell you what he won't do where you, and possibly your boyfriend pay the bills, then It becomes your fault! Does your boyfriend live there? If so, why isn't he stepping up and speaking out since I can only assume that he's paying part of the bills there too!?!
Getcha nerve up and confront daddy... you're not a little girl anymore and he definitely ain't your child!
If you want advice from Miss Pearl, send me an email to: email@example.com